Transition 101

I´ve been writing my Daily Goddess blog for a long time and it has brought me such joy. These past few months, however, I haven´t been able to connect with it. I haven´t been in the place to provide something for someone and I feel like I created that expectation with Daily Goddess. Really, it´s about sharing and so I guess in reality, it hasn´t been that I am not connected with the blog - it´s more likely that I haven´t been connected to ME, to my higher self, to my grounded self.

I´ve been in this transition for over a year now. A year ago I was living in Costa Rica with my husband, three dogs, two cats and two roommates and we were all contemplating the future. How were we going to make life in Costa Rica work? We were broke, living off of borrowed money and borrowed time and the unending promises of significant amounts of money - always just around the corner. I still haven´t gotten my bearings back - I´m so dizzy from all the corners we were chasing.

So it´s a year later, I put one dog down, found a home for another plus two cats and my beloved Ginny was stolen. We lived in Houston for a miserable month following more promises only to get on a Greyhound bus with less money than we left Costa Rica with. We´ve been in Georgia since October, I´ve gotten and lost a job, I´m pregnant, we´ve had three addresses and have gone through various stages of being broke. We´re rebuilding, I keep telling myself - but it hasn´t been easy. We have no friends, our stability is questionable and at any moment I fear that the small corner of a rug that I´ve been trying to secure myself on is going to get pulled out from under us. And if that happens?...

Well, I´ve pretty much spent the past year on that corner of rug and it keeps getting pulled. What´s the answer? That life goes on, that things tend to work out, that if you focus on family you´ll never really be alone even though sometimes you might feel pretty lonely...And maybe there is also a lesson about letting go of that corner of the rug - that you can still BE PRESENT without FEELING SETTLED. And to acknowledge the inches that you move forward - cause if you focus only on where you think you SHOULD be - then all you are left with is unfulfilled expectations. And having lived a year through nothing but that - I´m ready to concentrate on what I can control.

I will be contemplating my creative project, inspired by the work of Rowena Murillo and her 100 in 100 where she has taken on painting 100 paintings in 100 days http://www.warriorgirl.blogspot.com/. As well as Jaime Ridler and her bookclub looking at Wreck This Journal http://www.tnc-wreckthisjournal.blogspot.com/.

I´ll keep working on defining my project because I really need to focus on who I am right now, because I keep looking in the mirror, but I don´t quite recognize the face that I see. And when baby comes in September, it´s going to be that much harder to find the time to delve into what it is I might need right now.

So I´m not clear the message of this blog - only really to give me the freedom to express myself without needing to "contribute" to anyone in particular - except maybe myself.

Deep breaths.

Tarot Spread - Past, Present & Future

The Past



I used a Georgia O'Keefe flower in each of my cards representing each stage. This flower is open, receptive, maybe a little naive, simple. Part of me longs for how open I was at one time, where I had less inhibitions (and yet sometimes more inhibitions) it is a weird dichotomy. I feel like I had a spiritual awakening - represented by the woman to the right - but I only allowed myself to go so far - there was a place where I cut myself off - also representative of the half of a face at the top right, hidden behind a wall (of my own creating). I also feel like my past has been defined by my various circles of friends - as represented by the image on the bottom left. Most times those circles of friends were postive, other times they weren't so positive. What I wish to let go of is the hiding, is of only going so far. I long for the reconnection of my powerful circle of friends and the openness that I once felt.


The Future



The next image I created was for the future (I saved the present for last to see what was needed.) I feel like this image is much stronger - more powerful. I chose a white rose as my flower (an abstraction) the petals are open, but firm - a confidence about where I have been and where I am going. To the right is an image of a spiral - representing the ongoing nature of my work, my family, my life. It is guided by the earth: by the moon at the top and calm water at the bottom and the image of the woman at the bottom left is one confident and secure, spiritually aware and a teacher - whole and complete.


The Present


In order to fulfill on my dreams for the future - I need to simplify my life and let go of all the garbage - this image is much simpler. I chose a firey flower to represent the passion I will embrace to bring into my life and fulfill my dreams - I want this to be the way that I live each day - and integrate that passion into every area of my life. Then the image to the left is represetative of balance - of which I need to create - instead of simply being a feather in the wind and the image to the right represents my desire to connect with others - especially other women and connect to the earth.

Creative Activity - Tarot Spread

Inquiry


Consider the following if you will…

Who/Where we are today is based on our thoughts, beliefs, actions choices from the past. If you notice that you are stuck in a pattern of financial instability for instance – chances are you can track the core belief back to something in your past – money causes problems, I don’t deserve it, I’ll never be rich, you have to work hard for money, etc.

If you are interested in changing your future, you need to start with your present. What thoughts, beliefs, actions, choices need to be looked at, etc. If I am going to transform my relationship around money – I have to give up those limiting beliefs from the past and change them into empowering beliefs for the future.

Also, in order to truly not be influenced by the past it is important to know where you want to be – not the how you’re going to get there. Chances are if we’re just walking aimlessly through life without any direction, it is difficult to come up with what specific changes in our present might make big changes in our future.

My Inspiration: Did you ever play the make a wish game when you happened to look at the clock and it was 11:11 or 3:33? Well, the other day, the clock said 4:44 and I thought, cool – make a wish…and nothing came! I thought for a moment about how lame that was that I couldn’t think of a single wish and how that should be something that I work on. The same day, about an hour later, I looked at the clock and it was 5:55. NOTHING! I said, okay. I need to know what I want!

In the always enlightening words of Yogi Berra:

“You’ve got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there.”

Post comments, questions, affirmations, etc. in the comments section…

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Warm Up: Consider the following questions:

1. Where are you NOW?
2. What thoughts, beliefs actions, choices led you here? (this doesn’t have to be all negative – we are all powerful women who have accomplished miracles.)
3. *Where do you want to be? (body/health, education, living, relationship, career, spirituality, wealth, family, creativity, travel, fame, etc.)
4. What do you need to take on now; who do you need to be now; what beliefs, thoughts need to be changed in order to have what you want?

* Although this isn’t the creative activity – it would be extremely valuable to write up question #3 in narrative form in the present tense. “I run a successful holistic networking program”; “I have already completed my Masters in Interanational Studies at NYU”; “I earn $X per month selling my art on Etsy” Things like that. Keep it with you and read it every day.

Okay – Inspiration for the creative project: I really fell in love with the book Tarot in 10 Minutes, and there is a three card spread that represents the past, the present and the future. Although inspired by the Tarot, you don’t need to know anything about it for the activity (although if that would help you with it – I’ll include some info below).

The Activity:

Once you’ve answered the questions above, create your tarot spread (again, you can use the imagery of the Tarot only if so inspired).

The first card represents the past – where you’ve been, perhaps what you are letting go of or wish to let go of.

The third card represents your future – where are you going, what do you want to create.

The second card is your present. What you need to take on today to get where you want to go. Perhaps it also includes what you are actively letting go of or changing.

We will be creating a visual “tarot” spread representing the past, present and future. The visual medium is your choice – collage, painting, poetry, mixed media. (if you need definite directions to get started, do a collage). The size is unimportant – although inspired as tarot cards – 4x6 or 5x7 – but ultimately whatever calls to you.

Minimum Post: Your visual tarot spread with an artist statement

Additional Posts: The answers to the warm up questions and/or your question 3 narrative.

Redefining The Future #7

These are matching trees except for the fruit that they reap. I used the words on the page as inspiration. The roots of the tree on the left connect to words such as:

Dependency, Nothingness, Dissatisfied, Past, Disruption, Inconvenience

Bearing fruit like...

Artificial, Reduced, Deterioration, Expensive, Overthrown, Self-Destruction, Indifference, Destructive

While the roots on the tree to the right connect to:

Reflect, Independent, New, Success, Manage, Understanding, Attention, Changes, Ideas

Bearing fruit like...

Reflected, Freedom, Ability, Go Places, Life, Exercise, Creationj, Permitted, Freedom

Redefining The Future #6

Inspired by a piece I saw on a website, I wanted to utilize the words on the page which are:

Decline & Doom are not inevitable

Survival is not inevitable either

Much of it has yet to be written

I thought this was perfect since it all has yet to be written...be present in the moment, don't be attached to the outcome. The spiral represents the constant flow of life.

I used modelling compound to create some texture and I painted the spiral gold.

The opposite page is a paper with a gold mesh ribbon. The words represent the whole idea of death and rebirth - a goddess card, Cerridwin that I picked earlier this week struggling to recreate my relationship:

With death comes

new life.

But don't we mourn the life lost?

Rebirth

leads to

Possibility

What of the King Stag when the

young stag

is Grown?

For I love the King Stag.

(a little props to the Mists of Avalon for inspiration)

Redefining The Future #5

This was inspired by the words that I chose - the medium was newspaper and the emotion was crabby and my juicy word was favorite places. I researched article titles from the New York Times written about women and chose specifically those articles in which women were in action. I cut them and created a fence. The writing essentially states how I'm hiding behind this fence that I've created, intimidated by women who are in action. What is the affect of my inaction? Who isn't taken care of because of my inaction?

Redefining The Future #4

I call this one Peeling the Onion - The Healer at the core is what I crave, but the onion layers that are keeping me from truly being present to her beauty, power, love...but she's there - and all I need to do is peel those onion layers to get to her. I think sometimes it's not that the layers need to always be peeled to get to the core - sometimes new invisible layers will pop up to peel - I think it's about working to to be present to the core despite the layers...